Well, I have a new grandson. And what a handsome boy he is. See previous post for pictures and vital statistics.
This is the first child for my second son Adam and his wife Lisa (I have 3 sons and one daughter). Evan was originally scheduled to make his appearance on the 14th, but like his dad he does things on his own schedule. Lisa was admitted to the hospital late morning on the 23rd. Nothing much was happening and her doctor said the baby probably wouldn’t come until late morning on the 24th.
Marlys and I had gone to my monthly support group meeting at Virginia Mason late in the afternoon of the 23rd. On the ride home I noticed that my throat was getting that “cold/flu” feeling. By the time we got home I was sure that I had something unpleasant. Marlys left me to my misery and went to the hospital to check up on Adam and Lisa. Lisa had invited Marlys to be present for the delivery (as if she could have kept her out). Marlys came home and informed me that the baby probably wouldn’t come until the next day, maybe even a day later. We went to bed at 10:30.
At 11:30 the phone rang and Adam said, “If you want to be here for the birth you better hurry up and get down here”. We got dressed and were at the hospital within 18 minutes. I was not invited to attend the birth, but I had already told Adam that I was going to be standing outside the door, first in line to welcome my new grandson to the world.
Evan came into the world at 3:15. At 3:24 I kissed his mother, hugged his father and thanked them for delivering the most precious gift in the world. At 3:26 Evan was in my arms receiving my welcome and blessing and commitment. Nothing in the world can make you appreciate life more than holding such a miracle. God does exist. God does have a plan.
We were back home and in bed shortly after 4:00. Our heads and hearts were filled with love and fulfillment. My problems completely overwhelmed by the blessings of new life.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Why life matters
Adam & Lisa Patton would like to introduce their new son
Evan David Patton
Born 3:15 AM September 24th
9.1 lbs - 21"
10 fingers, 10 toes,
A full head of hair,
As beautiful as his mother,
As big and strong as his father.
"Destined to be a future king!"
This message is brought to you by "one damn proud grandpa"!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
September 22
I restarted my chemo today. Same stuff, slightly higher dose. I’m not expecting (hoping) the side effects will be minimal if even noticeable. I’ve enjoyed seven days of nothing, no radiation, no chemo. It was bitter sweet. Great to be free of treatment, but frustrating because the effects of the radiation were at their highest. Twice in the past week I overplayed my hand. Trying to ignore the radiation effects (fatigue) and pushing to try and put in a full day of activities. Both times I paid severely the following day(s). The mind/body disconnect is a strange and powerful thing. In spite of the minds power, they have to be kept in sync or there can be a powerful price to pay. Of course I needed to find out the hard way, twice.
My good friends continue to rescue me. Calling me, inviting me to coffee or the movies. Stopping by to watch a game. Offering support and help at every turn. I don’t know if I say it enough, but “Thank You”. It really makes a difference.
Tonight I will go to my second Support Group meeting. I’m anxious to see how it turns out. The first one was like all first meetings, a little awkward. But I came away with two new friends. I doubt if Dennis will be there again, he lives in Alaska. But I hope that Jim will show up. We have been trying to meet up individually for the past 3-weeks, but it seems that every time we set a “play-date”, one of us has a conflict. Anyway, I’m looking forward to tonight’s meeting.
We’re still waiting for my new grandson (Evan) to make his appearance. Seems that he is going to take after his father and be very stubborn. He was supposed to be here on the 14th, but the little devil is still hiding out with his mother. I know she is more than ready to send him out into the world. I’m also sure he will pick the most inconvenient time possible to make his grand entrance. Like I said, he’s Adam’s son all the way.
My good friends continue to rescue me. Calling me, inviting me to coffee or the movies. Stopping by to watch a game. Offering support and help at every turn. I don’t know if I say it enough, but “Thank You”. It really makes a difference.
Tonight I will go to my second Support Group meeting. I’m anxious to see how it turns out. The first one was like all first meetings, a little awkward. But I came away with two new friends. I doubt if Dennis will be there again, he lives in Alaska. But I hope that Jim will show up. We have been trying to meet up individually for the past 3-weeks, but it seems that every time we set a “play-date”, one of us has a conflict. Anyway, I’m looking forward to tonight’s meeting.
We’re still waiting for my new grandson (Evan) to make his appearance. Seems that he is going to take after his father and be very stubborn. He was supposed to be here on the 14th, but the little devil is still hiding out with his mother. I know she is more than ready to send him out into the world. I’m also sure he will pick the most inconvenient time possible to make his grand entrance. Like I said, he’s Adam’s son all the way.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The "Flogging" finally ends!
Ok, great title, now let me explain. The initial phase of treatment called for 6-weeks of radiation (2:00 PM M-F) and chemo (pills I take at home) every day. Both have side effects. I lost most of my hair (from the radiation not the chemo), not really that big of a deal. Constipation from the chemo, big deal but manageable. What really got me down was the radiation fatigue. They told me the effects would accumulate over time. I had no idea how “accumulative” it would become. Fatigue started setting in around week three and continued to get worse by the day. I initially thought I would be able to handle it pretty well. I lowered my expectations (like they told me to) so I was just going to go to work half a day each morning, do my radiation, then come home, take a nap and be good to go for the rest of the evening. Believe me, that didn’t work out the way i anticipated. Every day I got more and more fatigued. Some mornings I couldn’t get out of bed until 10:00. Some days I just couldn’t do anything. That really depressed me, especially during the 5th and 6th weeks.
Monday the 14th was my last day of radiation. Sunday night I couldn’t get to sleep. Not an unusual situation. But usually I can’t get to sleep because of anxiety. But on Sunday it was entirely different. I was so excited about finally reaching my last treatment that I just wanted to stay up and “savor the moment”. I read until 1:00 AM then went to bed and fell right to sleep. I woke up in the morning at 7:00, felt terrific, got right up and made coffee for Marlys and I. I felt absolutely the best I have felt in 3-months.
I stayed home that morning, we left early, had lunch out and I bought some flowers for the radiation crew (they were such great people throughout the entire process). They have a little ceremony where I get to ring a bell to signal completion of the process. Then they offer me my mask as a keepsake (I "traded" them for the flowers). I had Marlys take some pictures (see above). Then we had to meet with the discharge nurse before going.
I guess I had never really asked many questions about the radiation process. I’m not sure why I decided to ask that day but I did. I asked her what the radiation really did, how it did it and how and why it “accumulated”, and when and how it would dissipate. She explained it to me. It was pretty simple in a technical sort of way. On the way home I was thinking of more interesting ways to “explain it” to those who might inquire. Here’s what I came up with:
You receive a 30-day sentence (for something you didn't even do). On day one they take you to the dungeon and give you three lashes. The lashes open big gashes that bleed and hurt like hell (OK, the radiation doesn’t cause bleeding or hurt – this just makes the story sound better). After the lashing they drag you back to your holding cell where you await the next days torture. Over night the first three lashes begin to close up a little.
On day two they again take you to the dungeon and give you another three lashes. Afterward they take you back to your cell where you spend the night licking your wounds. The first days wounds are a little more healed but will require many more days to completely go away. In the mean time you now have three fresh wounds that need to start the healing process. Days 3 through 30 are repeats of days 1 and 2.
Monday the 14th was my last day of radiation. Sunday night I couldn’t get to sleep. Not an unusual situation. But usually I can’t get to sleep because of anxiety. But on Sunday it was entirely different. I was so excited about finally reaching my last treatment that I just wanted to stay up and “savor the moment”. I read until 1:00 AM then went to bed and fell right to sleep. I woke up in the morning at 7:00, felt terrific, got right up and made coffee for Marlys and I. I felt absolutely the best I have felt in 3-months.
I stayed home that morning, we left early, had lunch out and I bought some flowers for the radiation crew (they were such great people throughout the entire process). They have a little ceremony where I get to ring a bell to signal completion of the process. Then they offer me my mask as a keepsake (I "traded" them for the flowers). I had Marlys take some pictures (see above). Then we had to meet with the discharge nurse before going.
I guess I had never really asked many questions about the radiation process. I’m not sure why I decided to ask that day but I did. I asked her what the radiation really did, how it did it and how and why it “accumulated”, and when and how it would dissipate. She explained it to me. It was pretty simple in a technical sort of way. On the way home I was thinking of more interesting ways to “explain it” to those who might inquire. Here’s what I came up with:
You receive a 30-day sentence (for something you didn't even do). On day one they take you to the dungeon and give you three lashes. The lashes open big gashes that bleed and hurt like hell (OK, the radiation doesn’t cause bleeding or hurt – this just makes the story sound better). After the lashing they drag you back to your holding cell where you await the next days torture. Over night the first three lashes begin to close up a little.
On day two they again take you to the dungeon and give you another three lashes. Afterward they take you back to your cell where you spend the night licking your wounds. The first days wounds are a little more healed but will require many more days to completely go away. In the mean time you now have three fresh wounds that need to start the healing process. Days 3 through 30 are repeats of days 1 and 2.
This brings us to Monday, September 14, the last day of “treatment”. On that day I may have gotten my last three lashes, but I still have a lot lashes received over the past 6-weeks that are in various stages of healing. Even though there will be no new lashes, the healing process will take time.
OK, I said I was going to stay away from the dark side, but you have to admit that this is a pretty cool image. It at least makes me feel like I might have really suffered a little. Painless radiation isn’t nearly as exciting a 30-days of lashings and dungeons.
The truth is the radiation builds up pretty much like the lashings would. It will take a while for the build up to dissipate. Some of my pen pals say they start feeling stronger after just 3-4 days. Others say it took several weeks. I’ve decided to just take it one day at a time. But at least I accept that I reasonably can't put too much pressure on myself. Counter to what my brain tells me, I did try to make a full day of it at work today. I found out after several hours that I’m not as tough as I might have thought I was. Time to listen to the brain and drop the expectations down another notch, at least for a few days. And that’s what I'm going to do.
OK, I said I was going to stay away from the dark side, but you have to admit that this is a pretty cool image. It at least makes me feel like I might have really suffered a little. Painless radiation isn’t nearly as exciting a 30-days of lashings and dungeons.
The truth is the radiation builds up pretty much like the lashings would. It will take a while for the build up to dissipate. Some of my pen pals say they start feeling stronger after just 3-4 days. Others say it took several weeks. I’ve decided to just take it one day at a time. But at least I accept that I reasonably can't put too much pressure on myself. Counter to what my brain tells me, I did try to make a full day of it at work today. I found out after several hours that I’m not as tough as I might have thought I was. Time to listen to the brain and drop the expectations down another notch, at least for a few days. And that’s what I'm going to do.
A new day - a new will.
OK, the last post was pretty depressing. A lot of self-pity. Not what I want to do with this blog. Not the image I want to project.
I want to thank my good friend Jeanie Potter. She responded within hours of the post with some amazing insight. Like a good friend she gently pointed me in a better direction. Jeanie, I love you. Thank you so much. You and Mike will make this trip so much more manageable.
From now on I will spend my time counting my blessings, if I can count that high.
I want to thank my good friend Jeanie Potter. She responded within hours of the post with some amazing insight. Like a good friend she gently pointed me in a better direction. Jeanie, I love you. Thank you so much. You and Mike will make this trip so much more manageable.
From now on I will spend my time counting my blessings, if I can count that high.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Back at it again
It’s been a while since I have posted to the blog. It’s been a rough two weeks and I’m having a hard time finding thoughts to share. I am having a hard time just finding “up”. I really appreciate the phone calls and cards from my friends. I know it is hard for you as well. This isn’t a great subject to have to think about.
I’ve only got two more radiation treatments left. I’m hoping that shortly after that part is over I will regain some of my energy and enthusiasm. I talked to one of the guys in my support group who is about 2 weeks ahead of me in the process. He said that within the first 5 days he started feeling better and it seems to just keep getting better. Gives me something positive to think about. It’s just so hard right now to think about anything positive. I’ve got to get this turned around.
A lot has happened over the past two weeks. Some good stuff, some not so good. I’m a guy who needs to work from a plan, and to make a plan you need facts. The problem is, no one can tell what’s really going on until 4-6 weeks after the radiation is finished. Very frustrating. I’m used to being “in charge”. Cancer has no respect. I guess I’ll have to teach it some. I will be in charge!
I still try to go into work as often as I can. But it’s getting harder to put in even 2-3 hours. It’s like my battery is dead before I even get started. They told me that I would have to “adjust my expectations”. I thought I had. I guess I need to make another adjustment. Right now I’m telling myself, “Two more treatments then the healing begins”.
I’ve only got two more radiation treatments left. I’m hoping that shortly after that part is over I will regain some of my energy and enthusiasm. I talked to one of the guys in my support group who is about 2 weeks ahead of me in the process. He said that within the first 5 days he started feeling better and it seems to just keep getting better. Gives me something positive to think about. It’s just so hard right now to think about anything positive. I’ve got to get this turned around.
A lot has happened over the past two weeks. Some good stuff, some not so good. I’m a guy who needs to work from a plan, and to make a plan you need facts. The problem is, no one can tell what’s really going on until 4-6 weeks after the radiation is finished. Very frustrating. I’m used to being “in charge”. Cancer has no respect. I guess I’ll have to teach it some. I will be in charge!
I still try to go into work as often as I can. But it’s getting harder to put in even 2-3 hours. It’s like my battery is dead before I even get started. They told me that I would have to “adjust my expectations”. I thought I had. I guess I need to make another adjustment. Right now I’m telling myself, “Two more treatments then the healing begins”.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Bad News; Prune Juice; Second Opinions
BAD NEWS: Dr. Taylor informed us that she wanted to do a new MRI. So we scheduled it for Thursday August 27th in the morning. They did it at the Federal Way branch of Virginia Mason. We were able to get my radiation treatment rescheduled from our regular 2:00 PM time slot to 12:30. So we did the MRI, had lunch, and then went to Radiation. Then at 4:45 we had to be at the Seattle location for our consult with Dr. Taylor.
Earlier we mentioned Dr. Taylor’s MIR plan to my radiologist, Dr. Pham, and she raised questions about why Dr. Taylor was ordering an MRI at this time. She indicated that it was very unusual. Of course this raised all kinds of red flags in our minds. Dr. Pham said she would consult with Dr. Taylor and see if she could determine the reason. Keep in mind that Virginia Mason uses the team medicine approach, which I really like and which gives me great confidence. Everyone playing on the same team working toward the same goal. Anyway, they talked and the plan stayed in place.
So when we met with Dr. Taylor she had the MRI ready to review. She said she ordered it because in the process of reviewing my previous MRI she had noticed a tumor growth that she wanted a better picture of. The result of the new MRI shows that the tumor was growing pretty fast, not a good thing but typical for the type of cancer I have. Not what she was hoping to see. We were more than a little concerned about her comments. When asked what it means she just said that she would talk to Dr. Pham about adjusting the radiation target. I asked her if it was something that could be removed with another operation and she said probably not, they tend not to perform two operations so close together. She also said that she would probably try a new chemo treatment because she wasn’t sure the current one was doing the job she expected.
All in all it was a very depressing meeting. I have always realized that the doctors can’t really guarantee anything and that every body reacts differently, I just have to accept that they do this for a living and they will try everything at their disposal to manage this for the best possible outcome. My job is to live one day at a time and remain as physically and mentally fit as possible. That I can and do do, even though some times it is really hard.
PRUNE JUICE: One of the unpleasant side effects of chemo is constipation. It affects most patients. I am no exception to that rule. I have been taking over the counter medications since day one, mostly without positive results. One of the radiation nurses suggested Prune Juice or Apricot Nectar. So Marlys picked up a bottle of each. I don’t know if any of you drink Prune Juice on a regular basis, or even occasionally. But if you do, I take my hat off to you and acknowledge you a a better man than I. I took one drink and immediately thought “this stuff has gone rotten”! Marlys assured me that it was perfectly good and I needed to finish my glass. Right! She has a better chance of getting me to mow the lawn during the Seahawks opener.
After a very short conversation which ended with me pouring the entire bottle of Prune Juice down the drain I moved on to the Apricot juice. Wow, this stuff was really good. I liked it so much I drank two and a half glasses (about an hour before bed). Now let me tell you, there is absolutely no reason in the world for any company to waste time or money squeezing prunes into juice when Apricots will produce the same results, “IN SPADES”! And you can take that to the little room with you (3-4 times a night!). I’m not always the fastest learner, but here’s my advice: 6 ounces three times a day. DO NOT OVER DO!
SECOND OPINIONS: Every Tuesday after my radiation treatment I meet with Dr. Pham for a consult. Marlys and I were pretty anxious to talk to her about her impression of Dr. Taylor’s MRI findings. Interestingly, Dr. Pham had a significantly different take on the situation. As she had told us before it was very unusual to take an MRI in the middle of radiation treatments. She said that the MRI often picks up images that are significantly distorted by the radiation treatment. She didn’t dispute Dr. Taylor’s opinion but she suggested that we not read too much into it. She said that she didn’t see anything of significance that caused her to believe that we weren’t getting the results we were looking for. She also cautioned that we wouldn’t actually be able to tell anything for sure until we see the MRI that will be taken 4-6 weeks after the 6-week radiation treatment is completed. I am scheduled to have my 30th treatment on Monday the 14th. She also clarified Dr. Taylor’s statement about trying a different chemo drug. She said it was not the least unusual to try different chemo drugs and she suspected that Dr. Taylor would be having me on both at the same time. Needless to say we felt a whole lot better after our talk with Dr. Pham.
This “process’ is very difficult. So many up's-and-down's. In life we get used to being able to have a certain level of predictability. I am learning that taking it “one day at a time” is not just a slogan, it is a new life style. Not and easy one, but one you “have” to learn to adapt to. I’m working at it. One day at a time.
Earlier we mentioned Dr. Taylor’s MIR plan to my radiologist, Dr. Pham, and she raised questions about why Dr. Taylor was ordering an MRI at this time. She indicated that it was very unusual. Of course this raised all kinds of red flags in our minds. Dr. Pham said she would consult with Dr. Taylor and see if she could determine the reason. Keep in mind that Virginia Mason uses the team medicine approach, which I really like and which gives me great confidence. Everyone playing on the same team working toward the same goal. Anyway, they talked and the plan stayed in place.
So when we met with Dr. Taylor she had the MRI ready to review. She said she ordered it because in the process of reviewing my previous MRI she had noticed a tumor growth that she wanted a better picture of. The result of the new MRI shows that the tumor was growing pretty fast, not a good thing but typical for the type of cancer I have. Not what she was hoping to see. We were more than a little concerned about her comments. When asked what it means she just said that she would talk to Dr. Pham about adjusting the radiation target. I asked her if it was something that could be removed with another operation and she said probably not, they tend not to perform two operations so close together. She also said that she would probably try a new chemo treatment because she wasn’t sure the current one was doing the job she expected.
All in all it was a very depressing meeting. I have always realized that the doctors can’t really guarantee anything and that every body reacts differently, I just have to accept that they do this for a living and they will try everything at their disposal to manage this for the best possible outcome. My job is to live one day at a time and remain as physically and mentally fit as possible. That I can and do do, even though some times it is really hard.
PRUNE JUICE: One of the unpleasant side effects of chemo is constipation. It affects most patients. I am no exception to that rule. I have been taking over the counter medications since day one, mostly without positive results. One of the radiation nurses suggested Prune Juice or Apricot Nectar. So Marlys picked up a bottle of each. I don’t know if any of you drink Prune Juice on a regular basis, or even occasionally. But if you do, I take my hat off to you and acknowledge you a a better man than I. I took one drink and immediately thought “this stuff has gone rotten”! Marlys assured me that it was perfectly good and I needed to finish my glass. Right! She has a better chance of getting me to mow the lawn during the Seahawks opener.
After a very short conversation which ended with me pouring the entire bottle of Prune Juice down the drain I moved on to the Apricot juice. Wow, this stuff was really good. I liked it so much I drank two and a half glasses (about an hour before bed). Now let me tell you, there is absolutely no reason in the world for any company to waste time or money squeezing prunes into juice when Apricots will produce the same results, “IN SPADES”! And you can take that to the little room with you (3-4 times a night!). I’m not always the fastest learner, but here’s my advice: 6 ounces three times a day. DO NOT OVER DO!
SECOND OPINIONS: Every Tuesday after my radiation treatment I meet with Dr. Pham for a consult. Marlys and I were pretty anxious to talk to her about her impression of Dr. Taylor’s MRI findings. Interestingly, Dr. Pham had a significantly different take on the situation. As she had told us before it was very unusual to take an MRI in the middle of radiation treatments. She said that the MRI often picks up images that are significantly distorted by the radiation treatment. She didn’t dispute Dr. Taylor’s opinion but she suggested that we not read too much into it. She said that she didn’t see anything of significance that caused her to believe that we weren’t getting the results we were looking for. She also cautioned that we wouldn’t actually be able to tell anything for sure until we see the MRI that will be taken 4-6 weeks after the 6-week radiation treatment is completed. I am scheduled to have my 30th treatment on Monday the 14th. She also clarified Dr. Taylor’s statement about trying a different chemo drug. She said it was not the least unusual to try different chemo drugs and she suspected that Dr. Taylor would be having me on both at the same time. Needless to say we felt a whole lot better after our talk with Dr. Pham.
This “process’ is very difficult. So many up's-and-down's. In life we get used to being able to have a certain level of predictability. I am learning that taking it “one day at a time” is not just a slogan, it is a new life style. Not and easy one, but one you “have” to learn to adapt to. I’m working at it. One day at a time.
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