It’s been a while since I have posted to the blog. It’s been a rough two weeks and I’m having a hard time finding thoughts to share. I am having a hard time just finding “up”. I really appreciate the phone calls and cards from my friends. I know it is hard for you as well. This isn’t a great subject to have to think about.
I’ve only got two more radiation treatments left. I’m hoping that shortly after that part is over I will regain some of my energy and enthusiasm. I talked to one of the guys in my support group who is about 2 weeks ahead of me in the process. He said that within the first 5 days he started feeling better and it seems to just keep getting better. Gives me something positive to think about. It’s just so hard right now to think about anything positive. I’ve got to get this turned around.
A lot has happened over the past two weeks. Some good stuff, some not so good. I’m a guy who needs to work from a plan, and to make a plan you need facts. The problem is, no one can tell what’s really going on until 4-6 weeks after the radiation is finished. Very frustrating. I’m used to being “in charge”. Cancer has no respect. I guess I’ll have to teach it some. I will be in charge!
I still try to go into work as often as I can. But it’s getting harder to put in even 2-3 hours. It’s like my battery is dead before I even get started. They told me that I would have to “adjust my expectations”. I thought I had. I guess I need to make another adjustment. Right now I’m telling myself, “Two more treatments then the healing begins”.
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The hard thing is you have to do this alone. All those that love you with all their herts and souls cannot take this burden in any way to ease your body and heart. The only thing I am absolutely sure of is that God has his arms around you and is holding you tight. How do I know? Because i pray for it everyday. The side effects are draining and takes a great deal of control from you. Remember, second to second, minute to minute, hour to hour and day to day. You don't have to be strong for ANY one else but you. With Marlys beside you and God surrounding you each step is not alone.
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